So I had a dream last night. It was one of those dreams that while it is happening it’s great. So great that you begin to think it is real and when you wake up you are depressed because you realize it is not. In actuality it was a very silly dream, but at the root of it was the same sin I have been dealing with for most of my life with Christ. As Paul talks in Romans 7 about a thorn that is in his side that he cannot remove and why he does what he does not want to do, a part of me feels that way about my dream. Another part of me hopes that it was some sort of vision of the future or a hope for something to come. So here it is, enjoy. I hope it brings you some laughs as well as some insight at the end.
It started with me walking in a mall or in an area of people with different shops and stuff around. I was walking to meet my girlfriend but ironically I did not know who she was. I just had this inner feeling that when I got to where I was going I would recognize her. Well I ended up in this restaurant in a room where we were having a private birthday dinner. There was my girlfriend and some of her friends. It was one of her friend’s birthdays. My girlfriend, Selena Gomez, was thrilled to see me. I of course loved this as I was slightly surprised and slightly pumped to have a beautiful girlfriend that excited to see me. The rest of the dream was us finishing dinner and hanging out with her friends. It was great. Our chemistry was that of a hydrogen bond and things were so smooth. Other than that I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the situation while enjoying our time together. At one point she said, “Where are we now? 22 heading on 23?” I responded with, “What do you mean? My age?” “No silly,” she said, “Months we have been together.” I was like “Oh, well I am about to be 23 so I didn’t know what you were talking about.” She just smiled and hugged me. We never kissed never got too much time alone. But everything about us together was great. Her friends (most of which were people from the cast of Wizards of Waverly Place) liked me and her male friends approved as if they were her big brothers. My desire to have “nice things” was met of course for she had plenty of money. At some point I had understood that she and JB broke up peacefully. I then tried figuring out if I had met him or was going to meet him. It was all an after thought though to our relationship. I woke up once and was very depressed to realize it was a dream so I went back to sleep and the dream continued.
The second time I woke up I knew I had to get up. Depressed again that the dream was over and it was not a reality I knew that it’s time was up. Sure I could go back to sleep and who knows maybe the dream would continue. My desire to have a significant other that loved me for who I am, where sparks flew every time we were together, Hollywood Love, would have been met, but in my sleep? With my personality this would have led to an addiction of sorts had I gone back to sleep and been in that dream again. I would find myself hoping to be in the same dream every time I closed my eyes. Which if in case happened could lead to me going to sleep anytime I wasn’t content with where I was at. This false fantasy could control me if I let it but Christ died to free me from that, that I would not be a slave to anything and as a response would slave to Him. This desire for intimacy is something I have always craved but I should not. In reality Christ has died that I may have complete satisfaction in Him. That I would know He loves me for me and that is enough but it still something that I struggle with. As Paul talked about the thorn in his side, a sin he could not rid himself of, it continually drew him close to Christ, just as my desire for intimacy from a woman draws me to Christ to find that I am loved intimately by Him.
In retrospect, who knows? Maybe this will be something I struggle with forever in that it will continually draw me close to Christ, and just being aware of that and having accountability that I do not idolize my relationship with a woman I am ready for a relationship. As for the dream, maybe it was the sinful desire in me. Maybe it was a foretelling from God of what is to come, that God will provide a woman of the nature of the Salina Gomez in my dream, or maybe even Selena herself. Either way I will continue to seek Christ and hope that whatever happens is His will and not my own, and that it would be clear when the time comes, but if it is the latter, then Selena, will you marry me?
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